Twisted Spinster

I am sure I meant to post something about something but last night when I got home I was exhausted, and I couldn’t figure out why. I went to bed early, and woke up about three with a raging thirst. I drank about a gallon of water and tried to fall back asleep, but even though I was still exhausted, and felt like I had gone to bed after a vodka bender, I was only able to doze. This meant, of course, that I was so tired I couldn’t get out of the house in time and got to work late. And all day I felt worse and worse — tired, feverish, my mouth and throat feeling like I’d been swilling acid, and food just didn’t taste right — until my limp brain cells finally realized I must be coming down with something. So I had to drag myself off to evil Walmart for some Tylenol.

Anyway, I’m sure that was fascinating to everyone. I feel better due to the Tylenol, and I’m drinking tea with honey, so maybe later I’ll write that review of Buckaroo Banzai that you’ve all been waiting for so patiently. (Yes, I finally watched it.)

Hi kids! Man, I don’t know what happened to me this weekend, but I’ve just been exhausted — Friday night I went to bed at something like 7:30 in the evening, and slept for about twelve hours, and last night I did almost the same thing. Perhaps it is the thought of all the things I still have to do around here: I have to do a pile of laundry, I have a sink full of dirty dishes I have to move into the dishwasher (oh, the humanity!), I still have two cheap bookcases to put together (they’ve been sitting on my floor in their boxes for almost as long as I’ve been in the apartment), and I have to then put away the rest of the books. Then I have to drag all my trash out to the dumpster, and vacuum the rug, make some sort of effort to clean up the non-carpeted parts of the apartment (the hallway, kitchen, and bathroom, and the older cat again peed outside of the box — fortunately I had put paper down), and sweep up the patio (Fay scattered mulch everywhere!). Feel sorry for me yet?

Yeah, I know, such a hard life… anyway, I’d like to thank everyone who contributed to my emergency fund. I’m almost out of the woods, and anticipate being able to hand that rent check over to the landlord in good time. You are the greatest. And just to show my appreciation, my next post will appear today instead of next week, and I promise it won’t be about me or my cats.

There is this strange, bright light in the sky. I’m not sure what it is. Is it deadly? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before.

Also, the trees aren’t shaking and swaying like they are supposed to. Could it be that the air is not moving? Nah, we all know that’s impossible. And one more thing… I don’t see any water falling from the sky! What’s that all about? What am I going to do with all these umbrellas?

Not only did my cable go out last night (but not the power, thank God), but this morning was another fun white-knuckle ride through horizontal rain and traffic light outages. In the dark. Oh — and for some reason the door lock on my car’s driver side door is jammed, or broken, or something.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my emergency rent fund. Your generosity is really helping.

Aargh. I hate to do this, but — I need to ramp up the fundraiser. Due to a variety of circumstances that are too complicated to get into now, I am not going to be able to pay my rent. So, anything anyone can contribute will be much appreciated.

Update: and if things are bad enough, I’ve got Fay squatting on top of me like… like some kind of huge, wet, squatting thing. I made it home, a white-knuckle drive through squalls, going twenty miles under the speed limit (if that fast) because the last thing I need right now is a wrecked car. Considering the way most people in Orlando drive, that’s a crapshoot every day, never mind during tropical storms.

Meh, I am going to curl up with the internet and zone out. Thanks everyone who has already contributed to the fund to keep me from being homeless. I really need it — let’s just say that something I was counting on fell through and kind of left me swinging. No, not the job — they haven’t fired me yet. But the pay is barely enough in the best of times. Argh.

Escaped Emu Shocked With Taser Gun.

Um… okay, this is for the “lonely guy” that wanted me to exchange pictures for “a donation.” I deleted his email almost immediately, thinking “ew,” but then I reconsidered. I mean, how cruel, to dismiss a fellow human being’s simple and no doubt innocent needs (he probably just wants to print out my photo to put on his bureau next to his parent’s wedding photo, to remind himself that there are virtuous and decent women in the world) out of kneejerk squeamishness and antiquated notions of “boundaries.” So, without further ado, I offer the following image in honor of my readers and their many years of devotion. Don’t say I never gave you nuthin’, America!

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Thought you might want to know the status here under the looming threat of Fay, the Little Breeze That Could. Well, when I left work today it was raining heavily, but no more heavily than it’s rained at any time this past summer during what we call “regular summer rainfall.” In fact, the rain wasn’t as bad as the hellstorm I was caught in a couple of weeks ago, when I had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t see the car ahead of me. Anyway, by the time I got to the grocery store, the rain had stopped.

I broke down and bought some bottled water, just in case. The shelves had been restocked and were about three-quarters full. No one seemed to be panicking, despite the doom-laden “we’re all gonna die!” weather coverage. I also stocked up on the all-important hurricane food, donuts, and I’m making boiled eggs — but I’ve had a craving for boiled eggs all week. They’ll go down nicely at lunch. By the way, I think my eat-less diet is working: I forgot to take my lunch to work today and had to eat at Burger King, and a meal that would once have barely staved off my midday food craving now makes me feel as if I’ve overeaten.

Currently the skies are semi-overcast but there isn’t a drop of rain. I’m thinking this storm will be a bust — tropical storms usually are. That’s a good thing — I would have liked a day off work, but as I’m still on temp pay I wouldn’t get paid for not coming in, and I need every bit of that paycheck, inadequate though it is.

Thanks again for your donations. They really help — and the donuts were on sale, really. Also sugar is good for energy. Yeah.

Man, where did the past two days go? I swear I meant to do something constructive… I ended up spending most of my time in bed or staring blankly at the tv due to my monthly “affliction,” which always sucks my brain dry. I did manage to get to the grocery store today (thanks to my awesome readers, who have been patiently waiting for me to write something interesting, for their donations), to find out that pre-possible-hurricane hysteria had hit. The shelves were almost completely empty of bottled water, which would have pissed me off if bottled water had been the reason for my shopping (it wasn’t). And I can’t get excited about a storm that may inch barely into minor hurricane status and back to tropical storm before it even hits this area, if it even does. By the way, in Florida tropical storms used to be known as “lots of extra rain and some wind,” not a reason to go into hoarding status. What has happened to my state? Wimps.

Anyway, I have to buckle down and watch Hamlet 2000 tonight because I want to get it out of the way already. I will try not to hate Ethan Hawke for not being David Tennant. In the meantime, check out this guy Zack’s website — he’s got some funny stuff. My favorite (so far) is this one.

Keep those donations a-comin.’ They’re keeping my head above water, definitely.

Update: okay, “A Modern Day” Hamlet has been watched. I’ll post a longer review later, but I’ll say just this: I don’t hate Ethan Hawke for not being David Tennant — I hate him for not being able to act. His mopey turn as the Dane (here a New Yorker, but never mind) had me rooting for his uncle, who was given a sympathetic interpretation by Kyle McLachlan. They might as well have called the movie “I, King Claudius.”

Well, I just got back from the grocery store where I spent my last ten dollars on items I just couldn’t live without, like toilet paper and bread. Frivolous things like that. I have no money left for anything else — including gas. I can live off ramen noodles and my cats can eat the cheap cat food, but my car won’t run on fumes, not even the ones coming off of the supporters of turning half of our food crops into ethanol to please the “green” crowd.

So I’m continuing my fundraiser. And I promise (for real this time) that I will post again soon and earn my keep. Upcoming: reviews of Buckaroo Banzai, The Brothers Grimm, and Hamlet 2000. I’ll also have things to say on other matters, as soon as I can gather my thoughts. They keep escaping and running down the hall…