Twisted Spinster

So here’s a stupid meme! Since it’s long, I’ll put it under the cut:

1. Started your own blog — yup.
2. Slept under the stars — nope; in a tent, though.
3. Played in a band — no, I have no musical talent
4. Visited Hawaii — not yet
5. Watched a meteor shower — yup
6. Given more than you can afford to charity — yes, and it will be the last time: I gave forty bucks to a help-the-poor-widdle-Katrina-refugees collection. Then I got to hear about how “my kind” were racists and haters and wanted everyone in New Orleans to die.
7. Been to Disneyland — no, but like most people in Florida I’ve been to Disney World.
8. Climbed a mountain — as I guess this means some place like Everest, not hiking through the woods behind my grandparents’ summer cabin in the Smokies, that would be “no.”
9. Held a praying mantis — ew, no.
10. Sang a solo — yes, and I wanted to kill the adults who forced weak-willed, tone-deaf me into that position. For some reason throughout my childhood every grownup I knew was convinced that I was destined to be a singer, even though I was 1) shy, 2) couldn’t fucking sing, and 3) hated to sing anyway. I have no idea why my very existence seemed to foster such an idea in the brains of these people — it’s a mystery of my childhood I don’t think I’ll ever solve.
11. Bungee jumped — hells no.
12. Visited Paris — Yes. At the time I didn’t like it much, and the person I was with (my mother) didn’t like it either, so we only stayed one night, and didn’t do any sightseeing. Now I regret this.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea(from land) — yes, they are frequent off the coast of Florida.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch — well, I’ve always sketched and painted, and I just started writing after deciding one day I’d be a writer. But the writing obviously wasn’t “self” taught; while I’ve taken art lessons for technique I always did have an idea of form. I’d have to answer “maybe” to this. I think the question means a more methodical “self teaching” technique was used, and I was not methodical.
15. Adopted a child — I am adopted; does that count? How about taking in stray cats?
16. Had food poisoning — several mild cases. Restaurants in Florida are just not to be trusted.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty — No, I’ve never been, and I won’t go — I’m no good at heights. I did go to the top of the Washington Monument, via elevator, back when I was a kid on a trip to DC. I was too terrified to look out the windows.
18. Grown your own vegetables — I’m growing some now. I have one tomato so far, and hopefully some others are developing from the blossoms.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France — like I said, we didn’t go sightseeing in Paris.
20. Slept on an overnight train — Oh yes, but not in a sleeping car; just in the uncomfortable (for sleeping) chairs. Once on a train from London to Edinburgh (a trip made memorable by drunken British punks trooping up and down the train chanting “British Rail by night”). The second time was when I took the Amtrak up to Raleigh NC to get my current car.
21. Had a pillow fight — yeah, so? This is supposed to be special? A man wrote this list up, didn’t he?
22. Hitch hiked — hells no. I like the state of not being chopped up, sealed into several plastic bags, and buried off the road near an isolated highway overpass.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill — “Sick of work” is sick.
24. Built a snow fort — I’ve never been in snow.
25. Held a lamb — do the pieces of lamb chop I conveyed via a fork into my mouth count?
26. Gone skinny dipping — erm, NO, I do not get nekkid outdoors for the edification of God and everybody.
27. Run a Marathon — I’m with whoever said that people who run outdoors should have the dogs set after them.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice — I’ve never been to Italy.
29. Seen a total eclipse — I don’t think so. I’ve seen several partial eclipses.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset — I’ve lost count.
31. Hit a home run — I hate sports.
32. Been on a cruise — I hate boats.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person — Never been there.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors — well, I’ve been to England, Scotland, Germany, and the Netherlands. Those were the countries that my adoptive family’s ancestors came from. I’ve always been told I look Irish, but I’ve never been to Ireland.
35. Seen an Amish community — no. I’m not really into the whole Amish-fascination thing. “Ooh, they drive buggies instead of cars! They don’t use electricity! They have Rumspringa!” Yawn.
36. Taught yourself a new language — I did try to teach myself Russian, Finnish, Welsh, and Gaelic. But like most of my DIY projects the efforts withered on the vine. But I am planning to one day teach myself Latin.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied — no, and it’s not because I’m a greedy, spoiled Westerner, I’m just poor.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person — I said I’ve never been to Italy.
39. Gone rock climbing — I think this question refers to the climbing-up-the-high-dangerous-rock-wall thing. Not interested.
40. Seen Michelangelos David — It’s in Italy. I’ve never been.
41. Sung karaoke — I hate to sing.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt — I haven’t been to wherever this is (Yosemite?)
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant — See question 37.
44. Visited Africa — no, I’ve never been there.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight — yes, though for the most part the really bright lights they put on Miami Beach to protect the tourists from muggers blanked the moonlight out.
46. Been transported in an ambulance — yes, when I tripped and fell going into the doctor’s office because I had a mysterious excrutiating pain. It was the paramedic guy who finally listened to my complaints about the pain in my gut (until then everyone had mostly paid attention to my bleeding knees, which were from the fall, and which I barely noticed) and told me he bet I had a kidney stone. He was right.
47. Had your portrait painted — no; I painted my sister’s portrait, though. (I lost the damn thing, which pisses me off, because it was good.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing — I hate boats, I hate fishing, so no.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person — that would be no, since it is in Italy, the country I have never been to.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris — didn’t sightsee. Wouldn’t go to the top of some tall thing anyway; I don’t like heights.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling — I don’t care much for swimming in the ocean, so no.
52. Kissed in the rain — I’m not romantic, and I’m not into hugging and kissing. Also, Florida rain doesn’t tend to be the gentle, kiss-in-the-rain type of rain; it’s usually more like the “Oh god, where did that come from, it was sunny a minute ago, did I leave the windows open, I’m getting soaked, was that lightning?” type of rain.
53. Played in the mud — well, you’re a kid in Florida, you’re going to get into mud at some point. I’m not proud of it, though. (Also, I discovered that I don’t like mud under my fingernails, as little bits of grit get jammed under there and irritate. Also, having to listen to the grownups complain got old real fast.)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater — no, I don’t know why, maybe because the one drive-in we had in Miami when I was a kid was a haven for oversexed pothead teens. Or so I heard.
55. Been in a movie — nope, and I have no interest in being in one. Unless they offered me lots of money. Or sufficient money.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China — since it’s in China, another country I’ve not visited, that would be no.
57. Started a business — no.
58. Taken a martial arts class — no.
59. Visited Russia — no.
60. Served at a soup kitchen — no.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies — yes.
62. Gone whale watching — no.
63. Got flowers for no reason — Confusing question; if you mean has anyone bought me flowers for no reason, my ex-boyfriend used to buy me flowers and have them delivered to my office (before he became my ex, obviously). And I’ve purchased flowers for myself because I’ve felt like it. Now I can’t, because I have a cat that thinks such things are food.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma — yes.
65. Gone sky diving — no, and I never will unless I have to jump out of a burning plane (that I had to get into in order to escape an invasion of cannibal aliens, or something).
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp — no.
67. Bounced a check — yes, alas.
68. Flown in a helicopter — no.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy — From what? I’ve picked up my Barbies from the yard where my sister threw them, does that count?
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial — yes.
71. Eaten Caviar — yes, and I don’t see what the big deal is.
72. Pieced a quilt — no, I haven’t gotten into quilting.
73. Stood in Times Square — no, I’ve only been to New York once, and I don’t think we went to that part of it.
74. Toured the EvergladesWrestled a gator, too. — The question was formatted just like this. I grew up in Miami so the Everglades were just there, and I’ve been through parts of them for one reason or another. Why the hell would I wrestle an alligator? I’m a five-foot-four middle aged woman, and I was never very athletic. Also allligators stink. And they can bite your face off. What a dumb question.
75. Been fired from a job — oh yes.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London — we got there at the wrong time to see it.
77. Broken a bone — not yet (knocks on fake wood desk).
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle — I don’t like motorcycles, so no.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person — I’ve never been to that part of the US.
80. Published a book — not yet.
81. Visited the Vatican — since that’s in Italy…
82. Bought a brand new car — yes, and both times it did not turn out well.
83. Walked in Jerusalem — I’ve never been there.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper — yes, when we adopted my sister the Miami News did an article on the event. They had a picture of my parents holding three-year-old-me and my new sister. It turned out about as well as my ventures into new car buying…
85. Read the entire Bible — no, not yet. Like most people I’ve only read the bits and pieces everyone talks about.
86. Visited the White House — yes.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating — no.
88. Had chickenpox — yes.
89. Saved someone’s life — no.
90. Sat on a jury — no.
91. Met someone famous — Is Iggy Pop famous? Eh — I’ve “met” (if waiting outside concert venues and getting autographs is considered the equivalent of having “met” someone) quite a few musicians of minor fame back in the days when I was into the “scene.” Whoo, touch me.
92. Joined a book club — I almost did, but at the last moment I escaped. (Unless this question means those mailing clubs like the Science Fiction Book Club. I don’t think it does, though.)
93. Lost a loved one — Yes.
94. Had a baby — no. Or does that lamb chop count? Oh — had a baby. No.
95. Seen the Alamo in person — I haven’t been to Texas since I was two years old.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake — I’ve never been to Utah.
97. Been involved in a law suit — not that I know of.
98. Owned a cell phone — It’s all I have now. (This questionnaire is so 2003.)
99. Been stung by a bee — yes.
100. Read an entire book in one day — yes.

Bleh. That was dull.