Twisted Spinster

It’s their version of Santa handing out sacks of coal and bundles of sticks for all the bad kids: among the movies being released on Christmas Day for the relatively new (well, we didn’t do it when I was a kid) American custom of going to the movies on Christmas is a movie about a possibly kiddie-diddling priest and the unpleasant nun (or whatever she is) that tries to catch him out, Doubt. By the way, the “doubt” of the title doesn’t seem to be the attitide of either of the main characters — the priest, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and the nun, played by Meryl Streep, or at least that’s how it looks in the trailer. According to the plot synopsis on IMDB, the “doubt” is what all the other characters are supposed to be feeling towards the nun, but if you ask me the “doubt” really means what the people running the film industry want Catholics to feel towards their church, and by proxy all Christians to feel towards their beliefs.

Which brings me to my point: this is being released on Christmas, and I can’t think of a nastier “take that!” to give to people trying to celebrate Christmas for reasons other than getting gifts and going to parties. I guess this is Hollywood’s revenge for having to adhere to the Hays Code for so long. I wonder if anyone has even read it — seeing the complete list of everything banned makes me realize why movies of yesterday, even the so-called “B” pictures, seem to be so much better than most big blockbusters of the today: filmmakers, prevented from filler such as lengthy sex scenes or detailed depictions of criminal activity meant they had to actually be creative in their plotting and scene settings, and not being allowed to salt the script with numerous “fucks” and “shits” meant they had to write interesting dialogue. Really, read the whole thing. You’ll cry. I can’t imagine a single thing the code lists that is actually necessary to any truly good story. And don’t most movies these days consist of every single thing listed therein, except maybe (and I’m not sure since I don’t watch those “art” films) exposing childrens’ sex organs?

Oh well, gotta break a few eggs to make an avant-garde mess on the floor that you can install in the Tate and call art! Some other uplifting treasures being released over the holidays: Seven Pounds, another black-man-as-Christ flick (with Will Smith doing the crying and suffering; you know, with those ears of his he is starting to resemble our new prez, which can only be to the good of his career); The Wrestler, with Mickey Rourke playing yet another part where he gets to beat someone up and be sweaty; Nothing But the Truth, about a Crusading Journalist up against the dastardly US government; Milk, which is not about what does a body good, but which is about a guy who used to do other guys’ bodies and who became famous for getting shot to death in San Francisco; Revolutionary Road, which is about how the Fifties sucked and was boring but especially so for cute married couples played by Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet (yes, the Titanic pair are together again in what sounds like another sinker); Valkyrie — rebellious Nazis led by Tom Cruise in an eye patch don’t manage to kill Hitler. I call it “Reepicheep in Risky Business 2.”