I’ve finally seen the final (well, “Episode 3”) Star Wars film Revenge of the Sith. This is definitely the best out of the three prequels. This is not to say that many of the flight and battle scenes weren’t basically ridiculous — it’s only a movie, people! And the acting of many of the principals was still stiff — especially Hayden Christiansen’s Anakin (he did better when he finally transformed into Darth Vader), Natalie Portman’s Padme (I guess that tiny voice is all she has? but she still looks great, and attained some emotional impact towards the end), and Ewan McGregor still seemed uncomfortable with all the blue screens he had to pretend contained space ships and landscapes and such. But on the whole the pacing and storyline were much tighter, and the fight scene above the lava beds and the final crosscutting deathbed birth/death-in-life cyborg rebirth scenes were especially noteworthy. On the whole, not a bad way to waste a Sunday evening.
Because I don’t want to DIE!!!.
Hey man, it’s from the New York Times — who else are you going to believe?
Well okay, counting yesterday’s viewing of Star Wars: Episode One the Phantom Menace and Your Little Dog Too (really, these titles are too long) — they showed that again today, and after it they showed “Episode 2” — Attack of the Clones, I guess you could count this as a “double feature.” If I watch tomorrow’s showing on Spike of the third segment, Darth Sith’s Sithy Darths, or whatever it is, it will be a triple feature. Details, details!
Anyway — technically, the actual attack of the clones didn’t come until near the end of the movie, so the title is somewhat misleading. The special effects were much better in this film — the landscapes were especially good-looking, though they didn’t all escape that standard matte effect. But they were beautiful mattes, anyway. The action scenes were better paced as well, though many of the effects in those were not entirely convincing. (For example, all those large air-to-space-ships skimming so close to the ground in the desert planet scenes should have kicked up way more sand and dust than they are shown doing.)
The film falters, as does the first one, whenever the characters open their mouths. It’s not entirely their fault — the script sucks whenever the action pauses for quieter talky scenes, of which there are two kinds: discussions of a sort of sub-grade-school concept of “democracy,” and the love scenes between Anakin and the former “queen” Padme. Concerning the latter, leaving aside the fact that Padme’s character, though being at least apparently about twenty years older than Anakin, has somehow not aged one bit, they would have been better leaving all of their scenes together wordless. The dialogue isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just that it would take better actors than Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman were then to bring off. Also, while Miss Portman is a lovely young person, Mr. Christensen, at least back in 2002, was not a particularly prepossessing fellow. (He looks better in the scenes from tomorrow night’s showing of the third installment where Anakin goes all Darkside.) Ewan McGregor wasn’t as stiff this time — having lots of action scenes help in movies with dialogue problems — but if I heard him (and everyone else – – Dooku, Mace Windu, frickin’ Yoda) address one more character as “my young” whatever I thought I was going to scream. (You know — “my young friend,” “my young apprentice,” “my young padawan” — gaaargghhh!)
As for the “politics” in the movie — let me just point out a Bad Fact of Science Fiction right now so future writers of novels and film scripts in that genre can be informed: when it comes to the subgenre of Space Opera, which the Star Wars films certainly are, certain “real life” concepts cannot be fitted comfortably into its larger-than-life, archetypal world. This means you can’t have the action stop dead for people to sit around talking about “democracy.” The script is schizoid about this anyway — apparently the “queen” that Padme used to be was simply an elected title, sort of like a president, and once one’s term is over one can become a “senator.” Oh well — eventually the film drops most of its political stuff for good old action, and after that we know that eventually an Evil Empire crops up and the “Republic” is put back in its proper Space Opera place as an ideal to be fought for and attained, not discussed.
Anyway, Episode 2 was quite a bit better than Episode 1, despite the stiff dialogue. I believe that 3 was supposed to be quite good. If I remember I’ll watch it tomorrow.
Update: one more thing I forgot — kudos to Lucasfilms for daring to have one of the villains, Jango Fett, played by a minority actor (Temuera Morrison, who I believe is a Maori from New Zealand). This breaks the tradition of the past several years of making sure all Real Villains who aren’t rubber monster suits (or CGI effects) in scifi movies are white. (For example, remember Lando Calrissian, played by Billy Dee Williams? He turned out to be Not Really A Villain. Because it’s not allowed. All Real Villains are whites, though like Darth Vader they can be voiced by a black actor.) Anyway, I believe that Lucas came under criticism for this from the usual suspects, but there is no reason that minority actors should be deprived of good villain parts just because of the sort of racism that demands non-white ethnic groups be placed up on a pillar.
Well, actually, I just turned it off — the Spike channel was showing Star Wars: the Phantom Menace — aka “Episode I,” and I watched most of it until I got bored — the Big Boring Speech scenes between the Queen and the Senate is where I always zone out. I remember what happens more or less at the end anyway, and the movie isn’t so good that I feel like wading through the aforementioned BBS just to get to the ending scenes of the dispatch of various uninteresting characters. Alas Liam Neeson plays one of those, the dullest ninja-samurai ever filmed, or at least ever in any movie with a ninja-samurai character that I’ve seen. But much worse than his character — in fact, much worse, I have now decided, than the misbegotten “comic relief” CGI creation Jar Jar Binks — is the complete nonentity playing the young Anakin. Movie history is replete with talentless child actors, and Jake Lloyd is up there in the stratosphere of complete lack of charisma or acting ability.
I haven’t seen the other two “prequels” (since Spike is showing them this weekend I guess I’ll watch and remedy that lack, or maybe I’ll just clean that tile grout in the bathroom…) I don’t know if those movies contain the standard Sports Scene that this one has — the pod race. For some reason most children-aimed adventure films have scenes where the heroes have to engage in some sort of sports activity — for example, the quidditch games in the Harry Potter films. I mostly find these scenes boring, because I am, to put it mildly, not interesting in sports. However, they can be made to be part of the story, which for the most part the quidditch games are (there’s almost always some nefarious magical activity going on that will tie in later). Or they can just seem tacked on as if the script writers needed some way to get the plot moving and the characters out of their current environment so they came up with this scenario — the unlikely stranding of a queen of a space empire (well, a “republic,” as if something with a hereditary ruler can be called a “republic” — I guess it can in Hollywood!) on a remote planet, the even more unlikely circumstance of there being no way for this monarch to be able to persuade the locals to fix her ship, so that the space knights protecting her must resort to some weird local sports ritual to “raise money” to buy the necessary parts to repair her ship, etc. Anyway, the whole thing seems written as if whoever was in charge said “we need something to get the kids’ attention — all this politics stuff is boring! Got it — a car race! Write it in — give it some sort of reason and make it science-fictiony with aliens and things!”
Then there is the CGI. The movie was made — or released, I never remember what the date the TV Guide shows means — in 1999, which means the CGI or whatever they were calling it back then is nearly ten years old. My, what a difference time makes — the alien creatures and scenes all look so fake now. Well, Jar Jar always looked fake, but that was a flaw in the character’s conception.
One more thing: most of the characters are standard adventure drama clichéd nonentities, and the actors play their parts stiffly, as if they didn’t believe in their parts. Oddly enough the acting in the first three Star Wars movies (the so-called “sequels” that featured Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and the rest) was much more naturalistic and believable, so I blame it on a failure of direction.
My complete disinterest in visiting Mexico has only been enhanced by this “Mexico only” (not in the days of the internet, losers!) ad for Absolut vodka. And even if I was a vodka drinker — I’m not anymore, I stick to wine mostly these days — I now have a reason besides “I’m broke” to not buy this particular brand.
Rent is paid! Rent is paid! Rent is paid! I took the money order to the apartment manager today.
Gasp.
Okay, now to find a real job. No call from Walmart yet telling me when I can start. The problem with this city isn’t just the fact that after you appear on the doorsteps of people who have put ads in Careerbuilder asking for applicants they stare at you when you say “I’m here about the job” as if you were a two-headed green Martian (when everyone knows Martians aren’t green), it’s the fact that when you do finally go through all the paperwork and pee-in-a-cup hurdles they take forever to actually give you a date when you are to start working. What up, O-town? At this point I’m just doing it so I can show apartment leasing offices that I’m employed, because I’ve got to be out of here by May 3rd. One step forward, two steps back?
Anyway — all complaining aside, thank you everyone.
After living in Japan for years, Sean Kinsell will be moving back to the US in a few weeks. He is anticipating culture shock based on the television programs and political issues people seem to be into over here. However, I’ll bet you that what really gets to him after the shock of “you people actually watch that?” wears off will be all the little things — the mannerisms, the way people don’t automatically take their shoes off before entering a house, the way people greet you (bet you New York manners vs. Tokyo manners will really be a stunner), the way people act in movie theaters (heck, I haven’t been to the theater in years, not since the last Lord of the Rings movie came out), the way people eat, and so on. I can tell you that personally I experienced culture shock just moving from Miami to Orlando — despite the two metropolitan areas being only about 275 miles apart, they are like night and day. I mean, in Orlando people actually look you in the eye and say “hello” to you on the street! Complete strangers! And they aren’t crazy or planning to rob you — they’re just being polite! That freaked me out.
Yeah, this is my least original headline, but I don’t care — I read Ace because, well, oh just read it. And my dad told me octopus tasted like chicken. Let’s just say this Miami preteen was not fooled.
Update: okay, that came out wrong. Um — never mind.
Okay, the thunder stopped again so I’m still connected. The movie ended rather badly for all concerned — if not for their actual physical bodies I thought everyone’s character was rather well trashed and that includes what I assumed to be the more-or-less hero — he gets the girl and his kid, but only if he pays her husband to go away? I don’t know, I was underthrilled, perhaps mostly due to the fact that I wasn’t impressed with the protagonist. Perhaps it was because he was blond. I’ve never been into blonds, Peter Davison’s version of the Doctor being a rare exception. (And: you know, period filmmaker people, I know what you’re up to when you give Hitler hair to a character we are supposed to be against.)
Oh yeah — and Fenella Woolgar (however you spell her name, can’t be bothered to look it up, too dull-making, good Lord I talk like the characters now) has a really huge fucking chin. I mean it’s gigantic. Scary.
(Psst: one thing — this movie was directed by one of Blighty’s professional gays, Stephen Fry, so half the time all the male characters are looking at each other like they want to jump each others’ bones or something. For example, I thought David Tennant’s character — the “rich cad” who stole the “hero’s” girl — was actually making the moves on the “hero” with that coin trick scene. I recall that I saw Stephen Fry play Oscar Wilde and in that film a minor gay character is shown trying to pick up a dude with a somewhat different coin trick, so that’s probably why the scene gave off that sort of atmosphere. There’s actually only one Real Gay character in Bright Young Things, and he’s in none of these scenes.)
Oh hell, I suppose we could just revert to the comments on this post over at Ace of Spades.