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Starter kids, so you can see if the whole parent thing is for you:

"I was a Mom for like, two seconds." That's what Andi says to me today, her enormous kohl-rimmed blue eyes crinkling as she recounts her drive-through parenting. "It was literally an entry-level child-raising."

Her own parents raised her until she was 20, and she didn't want to condemn another generation to that hell. Andi returned Parker to the maternity ward almost a year to the day after she had given birth to him and vowed to be his mother forever.

"Oh, my God, it was so easy," she says, exhaling loudly. "I realized, I can get out of this, and he can get out of this, and we can get on with our lives.... It's true. I wouldn't have had him if I didn't think I could get out of it."

Parker was unavailable for comment.

Comments (4)

ricki [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Hopefully Parker is now in the loving home of a couple of adoptive parents, and will be able to totally avoid being screwed up by an immature, self-absorbed mother.

I have a better suggestion for those contemplating whether having kids is for them - instead of going out and getting knocked up, volunteer somewhere (like a church youth group) where there are kids. I have never been more sure of the wisdom of my choice not to bear loin-fruit than after I've spent a few weeks trying to "parent" the youth group kids for a couple hours.

Um -- I made all that stuff up. About "Parker" and the starter kid. It was a riff off of the article on starter marriages that I linked to. There aren't really any starter kids. Well, the state of Florida uses crack babies kind of like that -- one day I'll write up the story again about how an acquaintance and her husband wanted to adopt, and were told they would first have to foster a crack baby, but that they wouldn't be allowed to adopt the crack baby. I think they ended up going to Russia for a kid they could keep.

prairiecat [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Andrea, I had to read the article you linked to - knowing how self-centered & self-concerned (totally & forever children) many young women are these days, I needed reassurance that you had pinged off something else & written your own version.

THAT was a relief, but my fears remain that you may just be ahead of your time in this view...

We have -- or had -- something like that here in Florida. Some people I know wanted to adopt, but the state agencies told them they would first have to foster a kid with problems, which at the time mostly meant a crack baby or some other poor thing whose spawner was on some kind of dope. Okay, said my friends, we'll do that if we can adopt the kid. Oh no, said the state agency, we can't allow you to adopt the foster child. I swear to God they were using these babies like experimental "test" children.

I haven't looked under the rock that is the Florida Department of Children and Families lately, so I don't know what there policies are these days about adoption. All I know is these people eventually went to a private Jewish agency (they were Jewish) and adopted a kid from Russia or someplace.

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Don't worry, he's just chopping broccoli.


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