« He's baaa-aaack | Main | Christ on a bike »

"...my cycloptic colleague..."

I'll just put the fact that I didn't get my last paycheck in the mail today like they said I would so I am virtually penniless right up here, because those of you with delicate systems may not want to read the rest of my post. I have a new account at a nearby bank that has Saturday hours but if the check comes tomorrow I'll bet you the mailman won't show up until after the bank closes.

The day started off okay. I went to the old office building for the second session of the resume & job-hunting seminar my ex-employer paid for. That went okay. It was everything else that fell to bits.

First, I decided to go to Wendy's for lunch. The Wendy's is about a fifteen minute walk from the office. When I stepped out I realized it had just stopped raining. Everything was sopping wet and the trees were still dripping. But the sun was shining through the clouds already so I figured it was all over. Anyway, I had my umbrella. So on I went. Five minutes later it started to rain so I pulled out my umbrella. Then the wind started to blow. Like a tornado or something -- anyway, it was horizontal rain, and the wind kept turning my tiny little fold-up umbrella inside out, so by the time I got to Wendy's I was soaking wet.

Then my Paypal debit card was declined. Oops, thought I had at least two dollars in there. When I checked later I found out I was actually twelve cents in the red, because I forgot something I'd paid for recently. So I transferred a dollar from my new bank account -- I haven't got the new debit card yet, so it will take a few days for the funds to transfer...

Anyway, I scrounged up two dollars from my change purse and got my food. I had forgotten to tell them to take the mayonnaise off the sandwich but I was so tired and hungry I didn't care.

Anyway, I squelched back (it started to rain again when I left Wendy's, though not as hard, but that meant I didn't dry out on the walk back) and back to the FREEZING conference room where the seminar was being held.

Gross stuff starts down below...

Then, just as we were being let out, my bowels let it be known that they were experiencing an outrage. I don't know if it was what I ate at Wendy's or the bagel with veggie cream cheese and the cranberry muffin top that I had had for breakfast, but I made it to the bathroom and crapped my guts out. Seriously, I'm hollow, or at least I'm sure I've gone down a pants size. Also the hairs on the inside of my nose got burned off. (Note to self: avoid both Wendy's and Panera's from now on.) At least I had some Immodium. Oh, and of course it's also THAT TIME OF MONTH and since my undies were soaking wet the maxipad 1) wouldn't stick to the wet cotton, and 2) had rolled up into a cylinder that got jammed in my buttcrack.

I am not a fan of thongs so you can imagine how comfortable I was.

Then, on my way to the bus stop, my goddamn cell phone starts ringing. I have been having this little... problem with my internet service provider, BRIGHTHOUSE CABLE. See, they called me after I got my service started to ask me how everything went. Fine, I said, and went through their little survey thing. That was a few weeks ago, after I started my service with them. Then for some reason they called me a couple of evenings ago, to ask me how everything was going. I was in a good mood so I endured the spiel and went through their little survey again and told them everything was fine.

Then yesterday, I start getting call after call on my cell -- which is now my only phone -- from the same number. I was in the seminar and had the phone on vibrate and I only noticed because I happened to pick the phone up when it was vibrating and saw that I had "missed a call."

I tried to call the number back but it's the sort of number that doesn't "work" for call ins. (A recording comes on and says "You have reached a non-working number at BRIGHTHOUSE." That's it. No other number to call, nothing.)

So anyway I called them and spoke to someone who said they'd have the call-in turned off because I had, as I explained, already gone through the spiel.

But I got another call from that number. And another one... this afternoon, when it called, I tried to answer. NO ONE ANSWERED. THERE WAS SILENCE.

This was annoying. I called BRIGHTHOUSE CABLE again and got someone on the phone, but this time instead of someone who at least pretended they knew what to do I got a condescending jerk named DENNIS who took forever to finally admit that I had reached the "national billing department" and that they couldn't turn off the automated service and that I would have to call the local office. When I explained (through my teeth) that I had dialed the local number he breezed "it's the luck of the draw" whether I'd actually get the local office or not by calling them. By this time I wanted to climb through the phone and strangle DENNIS at BRIGHTHOUSE CABLE but I was still damp, my maxipad was still jammed in my ass, and the bus was on its way.

By the way, BRIGHTHOUSE CABLE has followed the hideous stupid trend of making the automated voice menu system even more obnoxious, useless, and time-wasting by making it "friendlier" -- it now asks you to say things and won't give you an alternative set of numbers to dial if for instance you don't feel like "talking" to a machine. Also all the menu options are now listed in this fake friendly voice that takes twice as long to say things ("we'd really like to help you but some of our options have changed" instead of "please choose one of the following menu options") because of insecure, in-constant-need-of-affirmation, no-life morons who kept complaining about "cold, unfriendly" voice menus. ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW, YOU HUG WHORES, NOW YOU HAVE A MACHINE THAT WON'T SHUT UP AND GIVE YOU THE GODDAMN MENU CHOICES UNTIL YOU'VE LISTENED TO A PARAGRAPH OF REASSURING PABULUM. And then it won't even recognize your choices when you say "yes" and "billing" and so on.

So anyway, I have had a rotten day and no paycheck in the mail. I was able to get to the bank and make a withdrawal of a few bucks so I could at least get the cats some food. As for me, I am hungry again but I'm afraid to eat, because I don't want to spend the rest of the night on the can.

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)


Don't worry, he's just chopping broccoli.


This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 7, 2007 6:03 PM.

The previous post in this blog was He's baaa-aaack.

The next post in this blog is Christ on a bike.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

Powered by
Movable Type 3.34