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We Are So Doomed, Example 76,794

I would like you to know what the news media considers important news:

ST. PETERSBURG - The notes under the door. The incessant phone calls. The impassioned pleas, all begging for a piece of the story.

It wasn't reporters in search of secret intelligence involving the war in Iraq.

The subject: St. Petersburg's Jennifer Mee, a 15-year-old who started hiccuping four weeks ago today and has yet to stop.

I kid you not:

Representatives from ABC's Good Morning America called Jennifer's home 57 times on Sunday and slipped notes under her hotel room door, her family said.

The article subtly makes the family look like a bunch of dumb hicks. Then again, they are from my state (Florida), so they may well be. Still, that doesn't make their plight any more interesting or vital to the fate of the nation, and is frankly not even a moderately interesting "human interest" page nine filler. Come on -- The Today Show? Ellen DeGeneres? Inside Edition? I can just imagine the scintillating wonder of the interview:

Matt Lauer or somebody: "So, Jennifer, tell us about yourself."

Jennifer Mee: "Well hic I'm from hic St. Petersburg Florihicda, and I can't stop hic hiccupping."

Matt Lauer or somebody: "Okay... tell me how it started."

Jennifer Mee: "Well hic um... they just hic starhicted one hic day."

Matt Lauer or somebody: "And they won't stop?"

Jennifer Mee: "hic No."

Matt Lauer or somebody: "How does that make you feel?"

Jennifer Mee: "I'd hic realhicly hic like hic them hic to sthicop."

I'm on the edge of my seat. You?

Excuse me, but isn't there something else kind of important going on somewhere? Like a war or something? I know "life goes on" and all that but this is ridiculous.

(Via Dave at Garfield Ridge.)

Comments (5)

Annalucia [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh, THAT St. Petersburg. When I saw that opening paragraph about phone calls and notes under the door I thought Putin's boys had targeted another journalist.

Come to think of it, maybe he should. Just not the ones he's going after right now.

Jeffro [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I can remember when "news" programs didn't pander to the lowest common denominator. Now, not so much.

Steve Skubinna [TypeKey Profile Page]:

More and more news programs are looking like those bizarre Monty Python fake "man in the street" interviews and pseudo documentaries. I used to fear that we were moving towards a Max Headroom/Rollerball/Running Man society, so I suppose a Monty Python based one is much less depressing.

As the old saying goes, "if it hiccups, it leads."

Jono [TypeKey Profile Page]:

What a coincidence, I just watched that very episode of the show a few days ago. I thought it quite hilarious, although unfortunate for the poor girl.

They had the girl's mother speaking on her behalf, as the girl let out a small "hic" every 4-8 seconds. They had a medical expert commenting on her rare condition and how they haven't been able to find the source of the problem after several medical examinations and tests. So I guess as a human interest story, it ranks pretty high, about 8/10 or 9/10.

As a "news" story .. maybe 2/10 or 3/10.

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Don't worry, he's just chopping broccoli.


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